When it comes to sexual roles in the LGBTQ+ community, the terminology can get slippery. Exploring the meaning of power bottom and the alleged threat to masculinity
What’s a power bottom? Who is a power bottom? Terminology sexual roles in the LGBTQ+ community
What’s a power bottom, or rather, who is a power bottom? Is a power bottom someone who’s bossy in the bedroom? Is a power bottom someone who just likes to get railed? Is a power bottom one of those superhumans with a super hole who can ride a big dildo? Depending on whom you ask, a power bottom might be any or all of the above and more.
When it comes to sexual roles in the LGBTQ+ community, the terminology can get slippery, so let’s keep this definition as broad as possible: Power bottom means a person who finds power in receiving sexual pleasure from a partner.
Before we get into the power part, let’s talk about bottoms.
LGBTQ+ sexual roles, the terms top and bottom from the LGBTQ+ community
According to most writing on LGBTQ+ sexual roles, the terms top and bottom emerged from the gay leather subculture of the 1950s as a means of describing power dynamics between partners during sex or S/M play. The top was considered the aggressor or penetrator during sex, whereas the bottom was considered the more submissive partner and/or the person being penetrated. With the popularization of the hanky code in the 1970s, the use of these terms became even more common.
These days, top and bottom are used throughout the LGBTQ+ community, and the definitions are broader than they used to be. While everyone has different opinions on what exactly makes someone a bottom, most people use the word bottom to refer to a person who receives sexual pleasure (not necessarily penetration — any kind of sexual pleasure) from a partner in one specific instance (I hooked up with that hot femme farmer yesterday and I was the bottom) or in general (I’m a bottom).
Power bottom originated in the gay male community in the 1990s
Bottom can also be a verb (Why am I walking like I just dismounted a horse? Oh, I bottomed last night). Here’s how Allison Moon uses bottom as a verb in Girl Sex 101: «to bottom is to practice the art of receiving as a receiver, the giver is in service to you and your pleasure. It is your job to navigate. It’s her job to drive».
So when and where did the term power bottom arise? Seeking the earliest uses of power bottom has led me down a similar path into the Great Gay Abyss.
In a NewNowNext article, sex therapist Dr. Joe Kort said the term power bottom originated in the gay male community sometime in the 1990s and that’s all I’ve got. Who was the first brave soul to declare themself a power bottom? Buddy, I wish I knew, because if they’re still around, I’d like to shake their hand and take them out to brunch.
The definition of power bottom and the meaning within the LGBTQ+ community
Now let’s get into the definition of power bottom. According to Dr. Kort, a power bottom is someone who knows what he wants and takes control of the penetration.
Bisexual writer Zachary Zane offers a similar definition. «They’re the kind of sex partner who doesn’t just lie there; they’re controlling the tempo of sex along with the depth of penetration, he writes. They’re telling their partner to switch positions; no way do they wait for the top to tell them what to do. They know there’s a difference between being penetrated and being submissive, and that even when you’re getting on the receiving end of intercourse, you can still be the more dominant partner».
Bottoming: a threat to masculinity in a patriarchal society
We live in a patriarchal society that prizes masculinity, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that bottoms get shamed for doing something associated with what women are expected to do during sex. Topping is seen as preferable by some men who have sex with men because it doesn’t threaten their masculinity.
«Tops are almost always seen as more manly, virile and aggressive, whereas bottoms are usually linked to effeminacy because we think they have a subservient position», Madison Moore, a cultural critic and queer studies professor wrote on Thought Catalog in 2014.
«This attitude is wholly cultural and deeply rooted in how we think about gender», Moore wrote. «Like, men are supposed to be men. Like, men don’t take dicks up the ass».
The issue speaks to a larger problem of discrimination of men demonstrating more femme traits in gay culture.
Don’t fall into the trap of assuming someone’s preferred sexual position based on how they present.
The case of Troye Sivan who says he is not a power bottom. Not even a bottom
The best example of this is Troye Sivan. The Australian singer wanted to set the record straight about his sexual preferences in bed. During a chat with bisexual model and actress Emily Ratajkowski on the High Low podcast, Troye Sivan explicitly wanted to dismantle a misconception about him: «Everyone thinks I’m a power bottom, but I’m not a bottom».
A misconception that also stems from the song Bloom in which the singer says: «I need you to tell me right before it goes down/Promise me you’ll hold my hand if I get scared now/Might tell you to take a second, baby, slow it down/You should know I/I bloom just for you».
The bedroom and play the submissive. Femme gay men who love topping
There are plenty of men who like to bottom – and plenty of guys who are assertive at work or in public life who relish the opportunity to cede some of that control in the bedroom and play the submissive. There are also femme gay men who love topping.
«Anytime somebody assumes you want something done to you in bed, there’s danger associated with it, regardless of your sexuality or gender», he said. «I think we have a culture that tells people that the way we talk, act, and dress means we want certain things done to us in bed ― which simply isn’t true».
As with any sexual encounter, communication is key. You have to ask and find out what your partner is into, not just assume.
«You can be gay and not like anal sex at all, and that’s absolutely fine; and you can use the labels of top or bottom, and that’s fine, too», Birkholz said. «There’s nothing wrong with those labels — just don’t apply them to other people because you assume they identify with it».
